Crowder Peas and R.I.C.E.

Downtime plan: Don't panic, don't overdo it, don't kill any stupid people.

Well, I am now a week into my punishment DOWNTIME (it's downtime... downtime.... like vacation!!.... whatever.), and I ran for the first time today.  While I would normally be guilty of dropping everything in favor of the bike because I favor it so much, this time I had a legitimate excuse to alibi the behavior that would have happened anyways.

I had recently had a very painful episode that turned out to be a displaced and locked fibular head with a trapped nerve.  I visit to the clinic followed by a visit to the clinic ruled out and diagnosed the problem but the doc said it was too far gone for her to attempt the manipulation that would bring it back in line.  I was referred to a local OD and she did the deed.  It ended up not being a horrible process and the bone shifted back into position with a satisfying click.  She cleared me to ride that afternoon so I bolted off for a 50 miler.  The following day I was sore enough to feel like it needed a day of rest.  The one nice thing about the whole off-season in the middle of the summer thing? I was able to rest it guilt free.

Tonight, I attempted to run.  I popped the bone back in since it was trying to migrate again and taped the area up to offer some stability.  Then, I made my way out to the VASA trail (the place I saw the bear last year).  With Wilbur in tow, I did the 5K loop plus short out and backs off the loop.  I have no idea how far I ran, only that I ran for a little under 50 mins.  The leg did great, the breathing was much slower to cooperate but the trail is beautiful, challenging, and fun.

Towards the end, a mountain biker attempted to pass me as I ran up a long, steep hill.  It was single track so Wilbur and I stepped off the trail as he went by, honestly grateful for the reprieve since the hill was a bitch!  I then started running again.  A few seconds later, I caught up to him.  We ascended the hill side by side.  When it leveled off, he quickly shifted and rode away but I am pretty sure his ego was laying on the side of that trail.  He didn't quite get chicked by an asthmatic 40 year old woman on foot.... but close enough that he was clearly upset by it.  He went as far as using precious energy to tell me that he was going slow because he was tired from spending the day with his family at the beach.  I would have felt bad for him but my legs were hogging all the oxygen so my brain (the mushy bit responsible for emotions) wasn't getting any at that moment.

At the top of that hill, I turned around and headed back down to pick the 5K loop up again.  I really don't descend on foot any better than I do on a bicycle.  Ok, let's face it.  I'm a klutz.  I was bombing down the hill trying to keep my feet under me when I stepped on a rock and turned my ankle.  It was a sharp pain that didn't go away right off so I decided to treat it like an potential injury.  I was cautious on the trail the rest of the way back and now have that foot up and packed in frozen crowder peas.  I am not sure what crowder peas actually are but they make a great ice pack!

Crowder Peas and R.I.C.E.

Wilbur, on the other hand, is presently so tired that he has slipped off the back of the couch into the window sill... and doesn't care.

A tired dog is a good dog!

Let's Talk About The Upside.

I am falling short of race goals again due to prevailing health issues.  I am frustrated and disappointed but there are a few very shiny silver linings.

1.) My Health.  Do I think that all these problems are suddenly cropping up from nowhere? No.  I spent most of my life abusing my body and neglecting my health.  In fact, at a certain point in my history, the abuse of my body could almost be considered suicidal.  Now I am testing my body with hard training and all of the damage and weakness that those years left are simply giving way under pressure.  The reality is that just because you wake up one day and decide to clean up your act does not mean that you haven't incurred a huge physical debt that must be paid.  The wealth of orthopedic problems that I have suffered are not because I am fundamentally flawed but because I did an awful lot of damage while I was 100+ lbs overweight.  As I got back into shape, my joints and tissues had a lot of wear and tear, plus the first few years I was compounding the issues by carrying a lot of excess weight in training.  That's the way it goes, folks, when you walk that road.  You don't lose weight and magically all your problems go away. Your body will struggle to heal them but you cannot expect results overnight.  Your kinetic chain will be totally out of whack and it will take a lot of careful patient work to get things back in balance... but it can be done... slowly.

The same holds true for my breathing issues.  The doc thinks, given my history, I have always had asthma.  The mold and allergies may have pushed it over the edge but chances are, I have never known what it feels like to train using my full lung capacity.  I have a lifetime of defense mechanisms in place that tell me to stop right before my breathing gets out of control.  I'll be honest, until recently, it's possible that I never pushed myself out of L2/3 because that's when the oxygen ran out.  The fact that I have NEVER in all my years made myself muscle sore from cardiovascular work (weight lifting was another story), even hard races, tells me a lot.  I've rarely even had a burn in my legs during a hard effort.  I have never been able to push that hard because I was gasping for air.

What does this mean for me in the long run?  Well, provided I don't let the run of difficulties get the best of my attitude, it means that at some point, if we can solve these issues, I will have the ability to improve in a way that I never have before.  For every challenge, handicap, struggle, there is a unique advantage that can be gained if you can make yourself open to the idea.  I was overweight.  As a result, I have a lot of joint damage.  The upside?  I am also very, very strong from all those years of working in barns, being very active while being over 235 lbs (at 5'4").  I have learned to be semi-competitive while using about half the oxygen my body can actually provide. Right now, I am choosing to focus on the possibilities that holds for the future.

2.) My Love Of The Sport.  When I got sick last fall and had to take some unstructured time, it nearly sent me over the edge.  "Unstructured" also immediately became "inactive".  But I was also very sick.  This time, even though we are only a couple of days into it, I am looking forward to doing some bike "touring" while I am in Michigan, riding with some of the local guys, and so far have woken up each day eager to do some work.  Yesterday's late evening ride plugged me into one significant fact.... I LOVE to ride.  I also love to train the run and swim as well but at the moment, heading out the door knowing that I am not obligated to do anymore than I feel up for has eliminated the sense of being overwhelmed that had been developing.  I go back to my horse training days on this and find it humorous that I am not so different from the animals.  A horse can train through pain/problems for a while, but eventually, it starts to eat away at it's passion and courage until finally the animal loses all it's "heart" and gets "sour".  Same holds true for people.  It's called burnout.  This time, working with a coach that was really in touch with the situation meant that we got a handle on the situation before I burned out (which is my usual M.O.)  In a perfect world, the off season unstructured time would not come 3 weeks before the "A" race but hey, the world isn't perfect.  At least it is coming before I am so far gone that I can't enjoy it.

Coach Brain (Stover)

3.)  My Coach.  This is huge.  Brian (Brain) has my number for sure.  I don't doubt for a moment that he was expecting this to happen weeks ago.  He also let me fight for it for a little longer and come to my own conclusions about the futility of the situation.  He then listened to me and talked it through for a LOOONG time.  He never made me feel like he/we were giving up but rather that we were making a choice to take a long range view of my situation.  At some point, a coaching relationship gets tested.  You WILL find out if your coach is truly invested or if they are simply cashing checks.  Brian (Brain) showed me that he is not only invested but understands my brand of crazy well enough to keep me on track through a tough time.  His experience, support, and dynamic approach to coaching are the difference between a post about being disappointed and series of tragic posts that rolled across this site last fall.  My faith in him going forward will be even greater than it already had been.  I truly believe that I am in good hands and that will pay dividends down the road... even more than it is currently.  He has already achieved impressive results with a half-broken athlete.  I'm looking forward to see where we go from here as my body continues to heal and get stronger.

Right now, I am going through a transition from seriously overweight couch potato through recreational fitness enthusiast to serious athlete.  There are a lot of layers that get uncovered in the process and many long-neglected details that have to get sorted out... a lot of debt to be paid.  It's not an overnight process, or an easy one.  It is a process and with each layer I peel back, each time I find a new problem that can no longer be ignored, it is because I am becoming a better athlete and pushing my boundaries farther and farther.  Each step takes me farther down this road I'm on and further cements the changes I have made in my life.  Each problem that arises is another opportunity to clear the road to my best self.

Hard Decisons

If you read this blog regularly, you know that I have been dealing with some breathing problems since last fall.  I had really hoped that cleaning out the AC would work and it did, for a short time.  Starting last week, they started to creep back up and reached full strength, maybe even worse than they had been, a few days ago.

Back in June when they got so bad that I ended up going to the clinic up here for some medical attention, my coach broached the topic of whether or not I was going to be able to race nationals.  The missed workouts represented a big hit to my fitness in one of the last blocks of good training time available leading up to that race. At that point there was still time to salvage it if I could turn things around.  When we discovered the mold in the AC and following the clean up I had a run of very good days, I thought things were really looking up.

Beginning last weekend I felt the symptoms start returning.  Last Wednesday, I took a Time Trial clinic and during a hard effort had a really nasty attack.  It was one of the worst since CapTex.  Since then, I have missed or shortened more workouts than I have completed.  Yesterday, I didn't make it 20 minutes into my ride.  Last night, I emailed Brian "Do you have time for a call?"  We needed to talk.

We talked today and discussed it at length.  Aside from the obvious conclusions of I needed a new medication regimen to control the asthma and that I probably need a new job, we also discussed Nationals and the rest of the season.  We came to the decision that I needed to not go and take all other races off the calendar until the fall.  Even though I knew this was coming, it was a huge disappointment to finally hear it out loud.

The conclusion was to approach training with more of an off-season attitude so that when I am not feeling well, I don't push and when I feel good, I can stretch my legs a little more.  For the moment swimming is on hold since the shoulder prevents any real progress there and to focus what energy I have on the bike and run.

While I feel like this is a good decision, I am at the moment grappling with a big case of "WHAT NOW??"  I was fighting (even if I was losing) to hold the training together for this race and the one in September that I kind of feel like everything just went out of focus.  I figured I would give myself tonight to be unhappy about it and tomorrow it would be time to kick on.

Words Just Keep Failing Me.

This week started with a death, included a holiday, and ended with my birthday.  It has been deeply emotional. I have started this post and deleted it at least a dozen times.

I want to tell you about a friend of mine.  She wasn't perfect... who is.  She was real.  She was honest.  She was funny.  She could laugh at herself, laugh with you, laugh at you if you made the mistake of taking yourself too seriously.  She suffered a great deal of hurt in her life yet forgave readily if the situation allowed.  Her smile was infectious and she would have walk across a battleground if she had a friend on each side that she wanted to chat with.

She was a braider like me, and though she was younger than I am, had been doing it much longer.    She was excited about her upcoming wedding, scheduled for this October in Colorado.  She was determined to lose weight, get in shape, and take back her life and health, in spite of a recent setback due to a broken ankle.  She called me to tell me of her recent steps in this endeavor a little over a week ago.  It wasn't about the dress.  She already knew she looked beautiful in it.  It was about feeling good and living well.

The first time I met her was in December of 2007.  She talked to me like I was family within five minutes.  She instantly befriended me and never wavered in that.  I had no idea that I was meeting  what would be one of my closest friends in the braiding world and one of the only people I could ever fully trust.  She also was to become one of my staunchest supporters in, well, pretty much everything.

We became friends.  She had this great laugh and it was there for everyone.  Do something funny and she'd laugh at you until you were laughing too.  I recall a time that that I looked over at her and she was having an intense conversation with a basket of flowers.  I got really confused and asked her sheepishly if she was talking to the flowers.  When the laughing finally subsided I found out it was a person out of my line of sight but hey, we are braiders.  A conversation with a basket of flowers is never entirely outside the range of possibility.

When I started to lose weight and train hard, she thought it was great, cool, fantastic.  She never made me feel like I was improving myself though.  That would be impossible because the previous incarnation was a perfect as this new one.  That was the thing, you were perfect just the way you were.... here... now... just like this.  Wanna make a change?  Cool.  That version would be perfect too.  Her world view was one that would make any Buddhist proud and yet it came without meditation or effort.  It was just her.  Just the way she was.  And to me, that seems pretty perfect.

Last Tuesday, this young woman in her 30's started her day like anyone else.  I'm sure she woke up.  She may have tossed a shoe at the alarm clock.  There was probably some breakfast in there somewhere.  She went about her day doing the mundane things that we all do.  The things we don't even consider as they tumble from the roster of habits each and every day.  Something mundane went wrong.  Probably something that has happened to us all but she drew those long odds that it could be bad.  Then the even longer odds that it could be a worse case scenario.  Then those exponentially longer odds that it could be a worst case in the worst place.  She beat all those odds. This day she experienced a set of circumstances more rare than a lightning bolt, more rare than the powerball.  Against all odds and in the blink of an eye, that mundane task ended her life.

She will not get married.  She will never again listen to me cry out my frustrations.  She will never laugh at me again for being a doofus.  She will never again call me in the middle of the night to ask how my race went.  She will never again talk to a basket of flowers.  In an instant, her life is over.

The funeral was Saturday.  I was unable to attend.  I missed my chance to say goodbye because I was slammed at work.  I hope she was sitting in Paradise, drinking a Mai Tai, watching us scurry around, panic braiding, and laughing her ass off.  It was that idea that got me through Saturday night.

When I finally began to accept her death and understand that it was real, I posted this:

Finally getting my head around things. Last night it really hit me that I have no choice but to say goodbye. I don't know how and nothing seems good enough but that was the thing about Dee, you were always good enough... no matter how imperfect... she loved people as is, right now, warts and all, judgement free. She raised forgiveness and acceptance (AND HUMOR) to an art form. Rest in Peace, my beautiful friend. I truly miss you. 

The lesson in her death is this.  You never know.  Kiss your kids.  Express your love.  Show kindness.  Dump all your baggage.  Live fully and joyfully so that each moment could be your last without regret.  Things could turn in an instant.  Live every minute of your life.  The only moment you are guaranteed is this one.

LOOKOUT!! There's A Dietitian Loose In The Duck Pond!

Sometimes life presents challenges
but isn't it great when you get to the top of the hill,
look back and say "I did that!"

In the midst of the frustrations I have been dealing with regarding my ongoing inability to complete my workouts, due in part to flagging energy and breathing issues, I consulted a  registered dietitian.  This is a step that I have thought about taking several times in the past but the stars aligned, the need for a change in program was pressing, and after several false starts (interviewed a couple last year but wasn't ready to take advice), I pulled the trigger.

Coach Brain (you know, I'll go ahead and let that typo stand) publishes a newsletter where he recommended a dietitian that several of his pros had worked with... one Tara Martine of Whole Impact Nutrition.  Her rates were reasonable and her philosophies trended towards way I eat.  It seemed like a good fit.

First, there was a period of tracking in My Fitness Pal (great app- get it if you don't have it).  Then she analyzed the information and started coming back with recommendations.  The first thing she did was identify a dramatic shortage in both overall calories and calories consumed during workouts.  The worst part was the majority of the missing calories were carbohydrates.  I was hitting pretty close to perfect for protein intake, a little high in fat, but horribly low in carbohydrates, more than enough explain my weak and inconsistent performances.  She worked up some calorie target for me, roughly doubling my daily intake and insisting that the lion's share of those be in the form of carbohydrates.  She also identified some a few trouble spots in my diet and we have begun the arduous process of figuring out how to plan my diet through the various, inconsistent conditions of my life due to my job.

Colorful carbohydrates!

Another good source of carbs.

I'll admit that while it is not that difficult to eat enough calories if you include a lot of calorie dense foods (like peanut butter, junk food, fatty foods and other things I refuse to have in the house), it can be a challenge to eat that many calories when it is mostly whole foods and plant based.  I kind of walk around feeling a little overfull all the time, except on those days where I get to dinner time and realize I am 3000 calories in the hole for the day.

I am also FREAKING OUT that I am going to gain weight but the philosophy is that if I eat enough calories to support the workout schedule given to me, then I will ultimately burn more thereby getting fitter, leaner.... and ultimately, FASTER.  At present, a week doesn't go by that I don't miss whole days due to being too fatigued to function.  I am also dealing with being too tired to do as much at work and since I get paid by the horse, the fatigue has directly impacted my income.

Other points of interest...

Sodium.  I don't like salt so I don't eat it.  Yesterday, in spite of sodium containing sports nutrition, my total sodium intake was that of a sedentary heart patient trying to bring his blood pressure under control, 1000 mgs less than the RDA.  Awesome... except that my blood pressure is already too low and the workout I did in 85 degree heat yesterday depleting what is probably already a limited reserve.  I also get a fairly high amount of potassium and probably don't have the sodium intake to balance it (though that is my observation, not hers).

Caffeine.  I knew this was going to come up and while I will usually defend my right to drink a ton of coffee, 72+ ounces a day is a little disturbing.  I can only imagine what that is doing to my mineral levels.  EEK.

Observations after the first week and a half....

One.  I am not hungry... ever.  I am not craving... anything.  I have a container full of a trigger food in the pantry and it is still full.  Hmm.  Interesting.

Two.  I am starting to handle workouts better.  This is a tough one to quantify because I also have been breathing better since the mold removal.  But even still, I am noticing a trend towards not being wrecked for the rest of the day.  I am not waking up dizzy the next morning either.

Kombucha and tea, good and good for you.

Three.  I am drinking less water.  I was not spectacular about tracking my water and was seeing about 80 oz a day be the norm in 70-80 degree weather.  That did not include any fluids taken in any other form such as sports drinks (which I mix myself), coffee, tea (green or herbal), kombucha, soups/broths, or even glasses of water grabbed between things or used to take pills, etc, which I suspect easily added up to another 60+ oz a day, and certainly doesn't consider high water content foods such as fruit.  It was simply that I counted up how many 32 oz bottles of water (I refill them and take them everywhere) I consumed during a day.  That's a lot of fluid for moderate temps.  I think I had developed a tendency to drink water, tea, or coffee when I felt hunger pangs but did not want to consume more calories.  This is an often recommended trick for losing weight but it can be taken too far and can be especially problematic if someone also drinks crazy amounts of coffee and takes in very little sodium.

Four.  I feel like I have gained a little weight.  Tara told me to expect that since I was going to start building up my glycogen reserves and for every gram of glucose stored, I would store 3 grams of water.  Right now, I am trying not to panic about the weight gain.  I will be much more comfortable with it when I see that the "eat more + train more = leaner, faster duck" philosophy is going to work.  There is a very scared part of me that is convinced that I am going to gain weight and then really struggle to get it off again.  It's not so easy to shed this thinking and I find myself slipping back into the habits of extreme limiting very easily.  I have decided to give her way a try though, it won't be a fair test of the program to only do it halfway.  Do it right or do something else. (Wasn't there a little green dude that said something like this once?  Apparently algae makes you wise.  It's good for vegans too.)

Wise, he was..
and green... bet he smelled bad too.
Swamps tend to have that effect.

Ok, so that's the conclusion so far... I'm scared but I'm doing it anyways.  Story of my life.

It all looks pretty arranged in front of a window, doesn't it.
I should totally Instagram this.

On another note, a friend stopped by the camper the other day to tell me how impressed she was by everything I am doing with my life, health, triathlon.  She said that usually people get into things like this and they do it for a little while then give up.  Her observation was that not only have I stuck with it, I have made it an essential part of who I am and that she admired that.

That made me really happy.

At first I wanted to TRY triathlon... then I wanted to DO a triathlon... then I wanted to be LIKE an athlete.... then I wanted to BE an athlete... then I wanted to BE a triathlete...

Now I am just me and I don't come any other way.

Just me.  All me. 

A Big Black Tub Of... Hope?

Sometimes life tosses a surprise your way.  Sometimes that surprise is bad.  Sometimes it is black and moldy.  Why would there be any reason to be happy about that?

At least the P5 got it's Grand Traverse Bay Photo Op.

I have been mentioning ever-increasing breathing problems in my posts.  Things on that front kind of came to a head last week when the shortness of breath not only prevented workouts but normal daily activities as well.  I went over the the clinic associated with the hospital to get some answers.

A one way ticket to jitterville...

Make that a round-trip.

While everyone could tell that my breathing was definitely impaired the test just kept coming back normal.  This actually raised some concern that there might be a clot in the lungs, a pulmonary embolus.  Fortunately, that test also came back clean.  The conclusions were that I do not have any of the big "terribles" associated with the lungs, clots/cancer/etc, but that I have high level of inflammation and irritation, not to mention asthma.

The beautiful Michigan coastline.
It's killing me to not be out there all day every day!

As all of this was conspiring to ruin another training block, I have been doing some work on the camper as well.  I found a great RV repair guy that would work on the camper here in the park and had him come out and get started on a list of long overdue repairs.  I also made more progress on the floor.

One of those long-overdue repairs was to address the fact that the AC wasn't clearing it's condensation properly.  I really hadn't since before I owned it.  As we took the AC apart, we discovered a horror.  The entire inside of the unit was covered in mold with the largest concentration on the fan blades.  In other words, the tactic of controlling mold/mildew in the camper by using the AC as a dehumidifier was actually causing massive amounts of mold spores to be blown into the camper.  By halfway through the clean up process, I was so ill that I had to sit outside in the grass and just focus on breathing.

The mold is all the dark color to the liquid.
The foam is the stuff they used to clean it.
This was just a portion of what came off.

 I won't ever know for sure if the mold is the cause of the breathing issues, but 24 hours after it's removal, I was as sick as I have ever been and 48 hours after it's removal , I had the best workout day I have had in a long time.  They think they got it all, though it will remain to be seen if it tries to grow back.  I won't hesitate to replace it if I start to have difficulty again.  I am not 100% and can definitely feel that damage has been done but this body is surprisingly strong in it's ability to heal itself whenever I stop torturing it, so I am optimistic right now.

This is what I have been missing in favor of clinic walls and nebulizers.

I have blogged so many times about feeling like there had to be a root cause for the sudden downturn in my health about a year ago (fatigue, chronic hives, asthma, etc)... I can only hope I have that answer.  The timeline and symptoms certainly fit but at this point I am hesitant to declare anything solved... largely because I am afraid to jinx it.  Hoping though....

In the meantime... LET'S RIDE!

Change of Place, Change of Pace

What's in YOUR Airstream?

Well, I made it to Traverse City carrying no small load of fatigue and physical baggage.  My first couple of days here were wonderful mentally, if a bit disappointing on the workout side of things. I had huge expectations of enjoying some awesome workouts as soon as I got here.  Unfortunately, no matter how beautiful the location, it cannot undo days, weeks of overwork, stress, and minimal sleep.  My first real workout day was a replay of CapTex in a lot of ways.

This spot is home until I head to USAT AG Nats in August.

I took the bike to Einstein Cycles and the geniuses there undid some of what the drive did to the P5.  Not the least of which was crack the carbon bottle cage in half, break a piece on a wheel, and push everything just a little bit out of alignment.  I have a swanky new bottle cage (It says WHISKEY on it.. operating instructions?), Zipp sent the replacement part on the wheel immediately and free of charge, and the bike is back in beautiful working order.

While they worked, I swam.  That water was COLD!!! It's been cold at night still with many nights in the 40s.  The shallow water near the edge was nice and warm but the deeper water was biting.  Every boat that went by off in the distance sent waves of icy water over to visit.  I seriously almost went out and bought a sleeved wetsuit that day!

That is ONE COLD SWIMMIN' HOLE!

I picked it up and took it out for a 90 min ride with threshold intervals.  Midway through getting ready, I remembered to switch from a tubular flat kit to a clincher flat kit.  That disrupted my routine and it wasn't until a critical moment later in the ride that I got to appreciate what that means for a creature of habit like myself.  

I made my first ride the classic ride up the Old Mission Peninsula, opting for the more difficult center route rather than the easier coastal one.  I LOVE this ride.  You get to the tops of these hills and look down over vineyards all the way to the water on both sides.  Spectacular is too weak of a word.

It's a shame the depth is lost with cell phone cameras.
Those vines go all the way down the hillside.
This is a breathtaking vista!

I was feeling a little blah as I had been all day, much like I was before CapTex.  The swim was workmanlike but not awesome (fun though so I didn't much care).  As soon as I reached the parts where the route begins to get challenging, I asked my body for some performance.  Initially, I got it though my breathing was more labored than usual.  I got the end of the first interval and was at the base of the first decent climb.  Rest was not happening.  I basically added about 50% more time at threshold, overshooting the length of the rest interval by 150%.  I hit lap and started the next, knowing that it was probably going to suffer for the lack of rest.  I got my stubborn on and went for it.  About 3/4 of the way through the second, I was barely managing my breathing and trying to crest a hill.  I felt the jagged, wheezy feeling that means that I've lost that round to my asthma.  It was barely there and I knew that I might be able to recover it but not on those hills.  Descending required focus and some of the climbs coming were steep enough to push me well into VO2 range, even anaerobic.  My vision was just narrow enough to know better than to go down the other side of that hill.  I pulled off and dismounted.  Of course, doing that let all of it catch up to me and I had to lean the bike against a tree so that I could sit.  The alternative was to drop the bike as I fell down.  I finally got things under control enough to ride back to the shop, which was good because they were close and I was halfway through an out-and-back.  In all the ride was two hours.  Even without the intervals, still a respectable days work, especially paired with the swim... unlike CapTex.

Oh, and that moment of distraction earlier?  As soon as I felt the need, I reached for my inhaler.  Not there.  Crap!  Ok, back up plan... caffeinated gel (caffeine can help a little at times like this).  Also AWOL.  They were both sitting in the tailgate of the SUV where they were waiting to be packed into pockets when I remembered the flat kit.  Damn.  What a bonehead.  It cost me a workout.  Actually, three.  The two scheduled for the following day were a swim and run.  I did the run first and it was a tragic run/walk death march.  I pulled the plug on the swim and went home to lick wounds.

The season started beautifully and the last two months have felt like a downward spiral of disappointment.  The horse shows have been abnormally busy and I have not handled them well.  While I cannot pinpoint any underlying reason for the uptick in respiratory issues, though I could speculate all day long, I have to realize that this is the hand I am working with right now.  Sleep was last years priority and I more or less got that one nailed down, at least as much as it can be with my schedule.  Now I am nailing down the breathing and next up is nutrition (that deserves its own post).  I am failing in these departments and it not only ruins workouts like the one above, it ruins the following day/days as well.

55 lb, 6 load washer?
Necessary to slay the laundry monster!

Here's to having the right TOOLS...

On the upside, I am getting all kinds of work done in the camper that I had been putting off for ages.  I actually managed to vanquish the laundry monster and a four dollar tool is helping to finish the work that I started ages ago when I ripped up the carpet.  I am really excited to finally have some time off and be well enough at the same time to get to these loose ends.  It's amazing how digging around under the bed/table, etc, pulling rusty staples out of a sub-floor can be so exciting!!

In the end, I am remembering why I chose to hide deep in the north woods between these shows.  I needed a little R&R and this is the perfect place for it!!

...and here's to not using them before I'm good and ready.