Pieces Of The Overtraining Puzzle

Well, I am nearly over my cold.  I blew through my braiding list (I had finished the same number of horses by 5 am as I had by noon the previous week) and while I was tired at the end of a very busy night, I was not "incoherent, falling asleep on my feet, barely able to move" tired like I have come to expect.  I felt like a normal person at the end of an 11 hour day.  Not exactly ready to jump tall buildings in a single bound, but ready to go home and not ready to die.  I seemed more resistant to the cold while working... I felt it but it didn't shut me down.  I slept 7 hours and woke up feeling... normal.  I think that I finally feeling restored. I did a few light workouts this week and, again, did not feel sapped at the end.  It has been two full months getting to this point.... Oh, and medication.

I guess I didn't mention that part.  My trials and tribulations with doctors have been so frustrating that I didn't want to post about this right away.  I am being treated for hypothyroidism.  I haven't been on medication for all that long but the type that I am on includes some fast acting hormone (T3) that is immediately available to the body as well as the slower, more commonly prescribed T4.  I researched response times and most people seemed to start feeling the effects of T4 within a  couple of weeks, though it can takes months to fully balance the body.  I don't know if what I am experiencing is an immediate response to the T3, because it is certainly too soon for a response to the T4, or a placebo effect of some kind.

I am not sure I care so long as it works.  I believe at this point that the reason that I succumbed so dramatically to overtraining was a drop off in thyroid levels.  No matter how careful we were (and we were not all that careful), my body changed and it's tolerance for work dropped.  Add to that a couple of traumas from the bike crashes and stress from the loss of Sera and it's the formula for disaster.  I do keep having to remind myself though that the brutal, crippling bout of exhaustion happened BEFORE the crashes or the grief, leaving only the butler (thyroid) and the maid (training volume).

I make this point because human beings do not live in clinical trials.  There is no separating the person from the athlete.  It's all one body, one energy system.  If it gets overloaded with stress, it responds with overtraining symptoms.  There is a tendency to assume that if you are experiencing overtraining or overreach symptoms that it is because you made a mistake.  The kind of mistake that is recorded in training peaks.  Not enough time off, too many miles, too many intervals, not enough recovery (grab your pitchforks boys!  The coach just scooted out the back!!) etc.  I think it is much more involved.  This summer I was handling a workload that I built up to slowly.  I don't think DW was wrong in assigning it.  Rather there was a loss of perspective on the athlete as a whole.  He was busy and our communication broke down... at a time when my travel and work schedule took a long walk off a short plank.  My body went with it.

It was more like this...

... and less like this.  Not all "planks" are created equal!

Did the workload tip my already failing thyroid over the edge or did the failure of my thyroid result in a reduced capacity for work volume?  How did the travel and work load play into this?  What about the races?  How about the overuse injuries that developed this summer?  I'll never know.  The reason for the strain on my relationship with DW was a sense that while this situation may not have been preventable, there was a certain lack of due diligence at the critical moments.  I don't think we know the answers even as much as we could.  It makes preventing future mistakes very hard.  He blamed me for not communicating my fatigue levels well enough.  I was frustrated with him for being (in my perception) virtually unreachable for two months.  Round and round we go.

None of this was his fault.  He spent a great deal of time building up an athlete that could handle a certain volume and suddenly that athlete was replaced by one that was much weaker- a sheep in wolf's clothing.  It is reasonable that he was surprised when the wheel fell of the bus.  My takeaway?  It doesn't matter what caused what.  The situation, probably as it will always be in these cases, is far to complicated to reach conclusions.  We both played parts and there were factors outside both of our spheres of control.  In the end, his program is designed for athletes that do not require intensive monitoring.... like me.  Square peg... round hole... 'nuff said.

You get the idea.

What matters now is going forward.  I have been working with a woman in NC (poor girl) on a consulting basis.  I was referred to her by another coach (he must like practical jokes) as being the right person to help me pick up the pieces and find the lessons in it all.  She has been doing just that.  I kind of feel bad for her because there were some seriously, stressed, frantic conversations/emails, especially at the beginning.  We seem to be through that phase and now, armed with an RBC that has returned to normal ranges, a thyroid that is supported by medication, and after two months of unwelcome R&R, Monday morning I will return to active training.  The goal now is to recover and reinforce the foundation so that the house doesn't blow down quite so easily the next time the big, bad wolf happens by.

On the downside, another condition that I have not posted about that has been plaguing me since before the medication change is hives.  Red, welted, itchy hives.  It started when I came to Houston this time.  It started with my hands and feet and soon the breakouts covered half my body.  I had to do a short course of Prednisone to break the cycle a couple of weeks ago and now they have decided to return.  I was eating a lot of nuts at the time and took those out of my diet.  I had some last night and by morning my legs were covered again.  I HOPE I am not seeing the development of another food allergy, though it would make sense as angry as my immune system has been recently.  Hives and food allergies, along with itchy skin, are all symptoms of thyroid malfunction.  I am hoping that perhaps with the new meds, this train can be derailed.   I am running out of things to eat!!

In brighter news... Seabiscuit returns home tomorrow from his surgery.  They tell me he is fully recovered and I owe them most of my life savings... and a kidney.

Forget Running... The Duck Can't Breathe!

Where am I with my training?  Good question.  After the crash last week, I have been dealing with a number of issues from confidence on the bike to some really serious breathing issues.  I am about to break down and see a doctor again for the breathing problems but it is difficult for me to determine where one issue ends and another begins.

Since the last time I crashed in June, I have been dealing with some orthopedic issues that are proving difficult to manage.  My shoulder has been a problem as has my IT band.  While they have improved since June, much of the progress has come about as a result of other problems.

During the month of August, I pushed through fatigue.  I pushed too hard and too long.  I ended up with a case of exhaustion that set me down for two full days.  I couldn't get out of bed.  I barely had enough energy to feed the dogs.  It went far beyond just a little tired and felt like something seriously amiss.  I don't know if that carried a fitness price beyond a few missed workouts but I have been a disaster ever since.  My endurance and strength evaporated and even my motivation has been sporadic.

In addition to that, I crashed again, as you know, last Tuesday.  In addition to losing a pound of flesh, I badly bruised/cracked my ribs.  (The official diagnosis was fractured but with all the old injuries to the area, they couldn't really tell on the x-rays.  They might just be bruised.)

At the crash, I had an episode that I refer to as hyperventilating, although I am not sure that is really accurate.  I couldn't breathe.  I couldn't take in air.  I felt like I was breathing through a straw and as a result a manic, rapid breathing pattern (picture hyperventilation or asthma attack) developed followed by major dizziness.  Since then, I have had one of these attacks nearly every day.  With each one, it takes less to trigger the next.  They are terrifying and completely shut me down, not to mention I am walking around slightly short of breath with a sharp ache in my chest all the time.  I am also seriously fatigued and my limbs feel like lead.  It's not really making for a great quality of life.

I can barely run.  Wednesday, I tried to run and had an attack on the Town Lake Trail after just seven minutes.  Tonight was a dramatic improvement due to being a little more tuned in to the early signs.  I can only go about 5 minutes holding ~11:00 pace before I have to stop and walk.  Worse, I am having trouble getting through a night of work.  I feel awful, exhausted all of the time.  

At this point, I am trying to get through this horse show and get home.  I have a few weeks off in October which will give me both rest time and a chance to see a doctor if necessary.  My background in horses means that I will self treat a lot of things (cuts, injuries, etc- don't judge.  That is just how horse people do things.) but not this.  I am completely baffled by this, not to mention more than a little concerned.  I am concerned for my health and concerned for my training.  I seem to be losing fitness at an alarming rate.  I am really concerned that if this drags on very long, I will be forced to start over from scratch.

Some of these things were do to crashes, some due to fatigue and overload.  When all the books and websites tell you to guard against overreaching...  When they tell you to rest your injuries... When they carry on about recovery... LISTEN.  The price of this mistake is WAY to high!!

No ZZzzzZZZzzz's For You!!

Well, it's Thursday and I am still struggling with my sleep.  I am now in week three of sleeping poorly and my humor has worn very thin.  It is so frustrating since I had another bad workout, my nights at work are getting torturous, and I KNOW exactly what all that cortisol is doing to my body.  Even though I am sleeping better than I did the first week, the accumulated fatigue means that I am just as tired.  I'm cranky with the customers and the horses, really body sore, bitter, and frustrated... all from lack of sleep.  I was really dismayed when it took both days off for me to rally this past Tuesday and that by Wednesday, I was trashed again.  THAT is not a good sign going into the weekend (the busiest part of the week).

I have a hard 90 minute interval workout down for today, which at this point I am dreading.  There is nothing worse than pushing to the limit and falling short of the target just because of fatigue.  Tomorrow night is just a swim and I may try to take that night off.  There is a balance with insomnia between maintaining as much of your normal rhythm as possible and recognizing that there is very little recovery happening.  This is a hazard for anyone that works night shift but that fact doesn't help when you are so tired you hallucinate (oh, yeah!  Been there a few times..) and are experiencing first hand why sleep deprivation is acknowledged as a form of torture.

Unfortunately, whining about it doesn't help.  At some point, my body will give in and I will sleep through the night (well, day... but whatever.)  I would prefer when that moment comes to have maintained my program so I don't have to "get back into the groove" but I am also wary of overtraining.  When I get the proper sleep, it is pretty amazing how quickly my body heals but it takes very little to overflow the kettle when it is not emptied every night.

What Do My Sinuses And My Sink Have In Common?

Last week I fought a little bit of the flu-like creeping crud and seemed to handle it OK.  By the end of the week though, I probably could have been a little nicer to my body.  I added the missed workouts due to travel and illness back in at the end of the schedule (which right now ends on Monday).  Last night I went to the pool at 8 pm and made the last one up.  I was rather proud of myself for pulling that off until I turned in a poor performance last night and woke up with my crud kicked up a notch.  I realized then that I may have chosen quantity over quality.

(my nose)

I have an off day scheduled today and since today is a day off from work, I will rotate it to a later point in the week.  My plan is to do the offending workout today, followed by a run pulled from the end of the week and give myself some flexibility as the week gets busier.  However, I suspect I may be in need of an R&R day and I should mention that the workout mulligan is not replacing anything, it is simply piled on top.

I should also mention that there is ZERO chance I will take an R&R day today.  My brain is kicking on overdrive and so is the water leak that developed under the sink last night.  I decided that I couldn't deal with it without a cup of coffee so I wrapped it in duct tape which reduced it from a spouting leak to a dripping leak and stuck a bowl under it.  Problem solved (er... sort of?).

(my sink)

What to do.. what to do... What to do?  Go fix the geyser that is drenching the sub floor and assess the workout situation from there.

(this is how you over think a workout)

One final thought... I have heard of these athletes that live in campers in order to support their ultra ambitious ultra goals and I have one thing to say.  There is NO WAY this is more relaxing or conducive to recovery than a hotel room.  It is, however, quite a bit more interesting.

Mind-Injury Link

I had a good week and in spite a small bout with a bug on Thursday and Friday, was pretty pleased overall with getting all the workouts done more or less as planned.  I did get a little confused at one point and did a swim when a bike was on the schedule.  I can't explain that beyond sleep deprivation.  I was just a little confused.  :P

I did a field test yesterday and it was the first measured workout since starting back.  I was so nervous it felt like I was prepping for a race.  I couldn't figure out why I was so anxious at first until I realized that this workout would quantify all that I had lost in the last 6 months.  Or at least that is how I was looking at it.

DW has given me the speech about clearing the slate and not worrying about where I was vs. where I am.  My friend MF, who got held my hand while I purchased my first bike gave me a similar pep talk, even citing the recovery of her sister who came all the way back from barely riding to the podium!  I realize that to many athletes "where I was" isn't anyplace worth mentioning.  But to me, it was all that I had worked for.  That has left me wondering why I have so much of my fragile ego wrapped up in it.  The last six months haven't been about the quality of my physical training.  They have been entirely about the mental journey.  So I guess this is the next paver along the path.

I do have a lot of ego wrapped up in this.  I have always been the "fat" kid, even when I was not really fat.  I have a linebackers build and a little body fat goes a long way towards making me look like an overstuffed sausage.  Body image issues aside, I don't think I look bad these days.  I would classify my body type squarely in the normal or average range.  I don't think I "LOOK FAT" in street clothes or by street standards.  Except that I feel fat... even when I am feeling pretty darn thin and fit.  But I am a very competitive athlete that wants to succeed.  And that does not jive with what is in the mirror.

The thing that cuts through these issues like a blade through paper is my bike performance.

When I show up to a new group ride, I see it.  I hear it.  I am told that the ladies at the back keep a nice easy pace that I should be able to maintain.   If it is a fast drop ride, the guys just roll their eyes.  Then the ride starts and I depart just behind the leaders.  I take my turns at the front unless I don't know where I am going.  I keep up.  I turn in a performance that raises eyebrows, that takes that body image and shreds it into a million little pieces.  I earn their respect and my own.  I am not the fastest on the bike, nor am I going to beat anyone who is far beyond my ability. It's not that.  It's more that my performance on the bike  validates me.  It makes me a consideration rather than a preconception.  If you assume I cannot.. am not, you may be stuck trying to catch me.

It provides me with a buffer for the constant tearing down and demoralizing workouts that running produces.  It can be summarized by one incident.  I was running on the track at a group workout.  Due to this injury that has gone on so long, I can't even relate to a running performance that is not diminished, and so it was that day.  As I shuffled along, getting passed over and over, watching people who had once been just starting out, pass me like I wasn't moving, hyper aware of the fact that I had not only not improved but gotten worse, a girl (BB) that was not particularly friendly towards me (in fact she would tear me down at every opportunity), passed me while running beside a new member doing her first workout.  I heard that new member make a comment about how slow I was and BB cautioned her not to make that assumption because I was so strong on the bike.  Intellectually, I know that if I had not gotten injured, my run would be much farther along, but intellectualizing doesn't help me.  This is a matter for the gut.

The bike is what gives me permission to call myself an athlete.  The bike is what allows me to forgive myself for being so weak in other areas.  The bike is what lets me stand up tall, even while wearing spandex which creates a most unfortunate sausage skin effect.  It validates me as an athlete.  Losing bike performance is like losing a bit of myself.

I suspect the two should not be tied so closely and that there are people (if anyone actually read this blog) who would probably slip me the name of a good therapist.  The Dalai Lama would frown on this attachment, as would almost anyone with a healthy relationship to their athletic goals.  But there it is, as I promised at the beginning, honest.

There is more to this thought, but a blog entry should not be a novel, so I will cut this short.  But I need to, and will, revisit this, because it is this connection that will answer the questions concerning why I overtrain, train through pain, etc.  It is the mind-injury link.

Another thing... the field test went really well.  It wasn't as bad as I had feared and I got a chance to reconnect to something very important, something I can only seem to remember when I am actively doing it.  I ride because it is fun and it makes me feel great.  My memory for this critical detail is so very short, and my memory for the debasing, self-abuse seems so long.  I guess that is true for a lot of people, but I am not hanging out inside their heads.  Seems I have a lot of work to do in my own attic.

Cheers!