Texas The Beautiful!!

So I started back into training yesterday with a group ride and then a run today.  The group ride was lots of fun.  It is sponsored by the Steiner Ranch Steakhouse who opens their doors early to serve brunch to a bunch of sweaty cyclists in spandex.  Good people.  Good Ride.  Good food.  'Nuff said.

Wonder what usually comes in that glass... good times!!

I chose not to get too upset about the fact that I had to turn early and avoid the one big climb on the route because I had no wind due to my ribs or the fact that my confidence was thoroughly rattled.  I was shaky enough to be a little grabby with the bike every time I got close to any thing suspicious on the road.  I could really feel the psychological effects of crashing twice this summer.  Still, I got back on the horse and Seabiscuit was able to get out of the barn.

Today I had a 45 minute easy run down.  DW suggested I go find a trail and leave the pace tracking devices at home.  He wanted me to just go relax and feel it... feel my body and listen to the signals.

I honestly felt it.  I felt it piss and moan over very little effort.  I felt weak, winded, heavy, leaden... anything that falls in the "opposite of awesome" category.

FORTUNATELY, I had taken his advice.  I went to a nature preserve down the road from the campground called Reimer's Ranch.  It is very hard to obsess over a weak performance when the world around you looks like this.  I did my run but I also did about an hour of light free climbing, exploring, and picture taking.  I have covered a lot of places I go... today I want you to see what's at home.

THIS is Texas!

Hill Country

Not FLAT!!

Pedernales River

Pedernales River, you can swim in it if you can get yourself down there!

Climbed down Climber's Canyon to get to the river.

Yup, more canyon

Yet more canyon.

What passes for a trail here.

running here is pretty amazing!

The trees here have old souls.

Mind-Injury Link

I had a good week and in spite a small bout with a bug on Thursday and Friday, was pretty pleased overall with getting all the workouts done more or less as planned.  I did get a little confused at one point and did a swim when a bike was on the schedule.  I can't explain that beyond sleep deprivation.  I was just a little confused.  :P

I did a field test yesterday and it was the first measured workout since starting back.  I was so nervous it felt like I was prepping for a race.  I couldn't figure out why I was so anxious at first until I realized that this workout would quantify all that I had lost in the last 6 months.  Or at least that is how I was looking at it.

DW has given me the speech about clearing the slate and not worrying about where I was vs. where I am.  My friend MF, who got held my hand while I purchased my first bike gave me a similar pep talk, even citing the recovery of her sister who came all the way back from barely riding to the podium!  I realize that to many athletes "where I was" isn't anyplace worth mentioning.  But to me, it was all that I had worked for.  That has left me wondering why I have so much of my fragile ego wrapped up in it.  The last six months haven't been about the quality of my physical training.  They have been entirely about the mental journey.  So I guess this is the next paver along the path.

I do have a lot of ego wrapped up in this.  I have always been the "fat" kid, even when I was not really fat.  I have a linebackers build and a little body fat goes a long way towards making me look like an overstuffed sausage.  Body image issues aside, I don't think I look bad these days.  I would classify my body type squarely in the normal or average range.  I don't think I "LOOK FAT" in street clothes or by street standards.  Except that I feel fat... even when I am feeling pretty darn thin and fit.  But I am a very competitive athlete that wants to succeed.  And that does not jive with what is in the mirror.

The thing that cuts through these issues like a blade through paper is my bike performance.

When I show up to a new group ride, I see it.  I hear it.  I am told that the ladies at the back keep a nice easy pace that I should be able to maintain.   If it is a fast drop ride, the guys just roll their eyes.  Then the ride starts and I depart just behind the leaders.  I take my turns at the front unless I don't know where I am going.  I keep up.  I turn in a performance that raises eyebrows, that takes that body image and shreds it into a million little pieces.  I earn their respect and my own.  I am not the fastest on the bike, nor am I going to beat anyone who is far beyond my ability. It's not that.  It's more that my performance on the bike  validates me.  It makes me a consideration rather than a preconception.  If you assume I cannot.. am not, you may be stuck trying to catch me.

It provides me with a buffer for the constant tearing down and demoralizing workouts that running produces.  It can be summarized by one incident.  I was running on the track at a group workout.  Due to this injury that has gone on so long, I can't even relate to a running performance that is not diminished, and so it was that day.  As I shuffled along, getting passed over and over, watching people who had once been just starting out, pass me like I wasn't moving, hyper aware of the fact that I had not only not improved but gotten worse, a girl (BB) that was not particularly friendly towards me (in fact she would tear me down at every opportunity), passed me while running beside a new member doing her first workout.  I heard that new member make a comment about how slow I was and BB cautioned her not to make that assumption because I was so strong on the bike.  Intellectually, I know that if I had not gotten injured, my run would be much farther along, but intellectualizing doesn't help me.  This is a matter for the gut.

The bike is what gives me permission to call myself an athlete.  The bike is what allows me to forgive myself for being so weak in other areas.  The bike is what lets me stand up tall, even while wearing spandex which creates a most unfortunate sausage skin effect.  It validates me as an athlete.  Losing bike performance is like losing a bit of myself.

I suspect the two should not be tied so closely and that there are people (if anyone actually read this blog) who would probably slip me the name of a good therapist.  The Dalai Lama would frown on this attachment, as would almost anyone with a healthy relationship to their athletic goals.  But there it is, as I promised at the beginning, honest.

There is more to this thought, but a blog entry should not be a novel, so I will cut this short.  But I need to, and will, revisit this, because it is this connection that will answer the questions concerning why I overtrain, train through pain, etc.  It is the mind-injury link.

Another thing... the field test went really well.  It wasn't as bad as I had feared and I got a chance to reconnect to something very important, something I can only seem to remember when I am actively doing it.  I ride because it is fun and it makes me feel great.  My memory for this critical detail is so very short, and my memory for the debasing, self-abuse seems so long.  I guess that is true for a lot of people, but I am not hanging out inside their heads.  Seems I have a lot of work to do in my own attic.

Cheers!

All Moved In and Loving This Town!

I am all moved in (as you may have gathered from the title of the post.. feelin' clever!) and aside from a case of cardboard poisoning, appear to have survived the whole experience rather well.  So far, I am loving Austin.  This is one excellent town.  Bikers abound.  Runners abound.  Kayakers abound.  Musicians abound. I think I am about the only thing here with all feet on the ground, though I will bound just as soon as I can!  Seriously, this might be the most bike friendly, outdoorsy city I have ever seen.  

Now that I have that little bit of gushing out of my system, I have other news.  I started back cautiously this week.  I am not running but carefully... like a child handling a bird's nest... began training again.  Just a little bike ride.

The first trip out felt horrid.  I came home and wanted to cry.  I had to get off my bike after about ten miles because I nearly passed out.  I didn't have my HR monitor on but it felt like it was about to leap through my mouth and go screaming down the veloway.  I got back on after a couple of minutes and cautiously peddled back to the car.

Today was a different story.  I was doing low intensity work, just spinning really, but I found the zone.  I was churning out my miles with a smile.  I felt like my form was pretty good too.  Knees in, back flat, pulling around the back side of the pedal stroke, rhythmic, turning the crank like a piston...  Pure bliss.  I didn't have a long workout on the schedule, but after so much forced downtime, I am just happy to be back in the saddle!  Tomorrow I get back in the pool.

The rest of this week and next are all swim-bike.  I don't know when the run will appear but I am fairly nervous and anxious about it.  It has been such a long road this year and I am so afraid that I will try to run and go back to square one.

It has occurred to me that it would be easy right now to give up on running, say I can't, walk away and put it into the past.  But that is not what I want.  I want this, running and particularly triathlon, to be a part of my life.   I took the other road once before when I ushered martial arts training into my history.  Even though I stand by that decision, there isn't a day that I at least for a moment consider going back.  I don't believe that tri's have the same intrinsically detrimental movements that martial arts had and that, with the right conditioning, I should be able to train and race well into the future.   I certainly hope so.

Fingers crossed!

Duck in the Wind

I am still traveling.  This summer has brought me to the edge of the Grand Traverse Bay, the fields and farms of the Bluegrass region, and now to Texas hill country.  I had a week off between Kentucky and Texas and spent some serious quality time in the state and national forests between Lexington and Dallas. Hiking and trail running renewed my love for the run.   My foot seemed inclined to forgive me my indiscretions as well.

However, after arriving in Texas, renewed and refreshed... feeling strong, I attempted a short, slow run one night on a treadmill.  My ankle and foot flared up worse than ever and I am coming to the realization that if I am able to run again, it won't be for a very long time.  Night after night, working on my feet, the injury has gotten progressively worse.  I am deeply concerned about the state of the Achilles tendon, which unlike plantar fasciitis, can get worse and result in a rupture which would prevent me from working as well as working out.  I am reluctantly taking the need for R&R seriously.

There is a lot of upheaval in my life right now and I am considering a move to alleviate the volume of travel while increasing my workload.  Hours spent in the car are neither profitable, productive or enjoyable.  If I sacrifice proximity to the ocean and living every day under the shade of coconut palms, I may be able to improve the overall quality of life.   These are the big questions and I need a few long hours on the bicycle to figure it out.

It's fine for dust to be in the wind, but these days, I am in the wind.  The feeling is both disconcerting and liberating at the same time.

Lost Duck!

TODAY I RAN MY FIRST TRIATHLON!!

Now for a race report....

I raced with my friend JS who is wicked fast.  Fast enough to have sponsors.  She is kind of a gazelle but she's pretty awesome so she's allowed on these pages.  She helped me set up my transition area and was right there for me all the way up to the start of the race.  BIG shout out to JS!! 

Then she raced in the elite group (those crazy fast folks that win these things) and placed third.  She went off in the first wave and I went off in the last with the First Timers division.  I saw her leave the water and head for the bike and then it was time for me to get ready.  Kept control of the nerves... amazingly!  As they were counting down, I started my watch.  Apparently, starting a watch is the hardest part of a triathlon.  I pushed the button too many times and when the starter went off, I was pushing buttons.  I ended up surrounded by swimmers and was never able to find any swimming space.  I finished behind where I would have liked but in one piece. 

I headed up to the bike transition but there was a loooong sand run getting there.  The old foot didn't like that much so I had to walk/jog it.  Spent a very long time (sat down, had a sandwich, knitted a sweater) getting on my bike.  But once I was on it, I took off like a Duck out of Hell!!  I steadily passed riders for five miles and was feeling pretty froggy.  AAANND... then I took a wrong turn.  After I realized what I had done, I returned to the course and assumed I had been disqualified.  Nonetheless, I was angry.  I bolted off in zoom mode and re-passed entirely too many riders.  I finished the bike feeling strong and still pretty angry. 

I dawdled less at T2, but still managed to take twice as long as JS (did she freakin' fold space/time?).  I headed off on the run but about a mile into it there was a stretch of grass and sand that had gotten a little deep.  By halfway through, my foot felt like there were knives in it.  I had promised RW that I would go easy if I felt pain.  I figured I'm disqualified anyhow so I walked a while, jogged a bit walked some more, stopped and stretched it out... twice.  Then jogged to the finish line and crossed it feeling a dose of that personal pride that comes with finishing your first Tri, no matter how badly you performed.

When I got done, I checked the results to confirm that I was, in fact, disqualified.  I wasn't.  I was in sixth place.  Seriously?!?!?!  If I had known, I might have gotten out of "mosey" and run a little.  Of course that probably would have been a huge setback in my training, so it's probably just as well.  Silver lining, perhaps.

On a personal note... I was waiting for some work to be done on my car so that I could drive to California and start my new job.  Except that on Friday (after I moved out of my apartment, after I forwarded my mail, after I said goodbye and told everyone out west I was coming, after I bought a vehicle to use BUT before I actually started working, yeah... so thrilled), they pulled the plug and fired me.  So now I am not moving to CA.  Instead, I am staying in Florida, working the horse shows on the road and going to pursue the necessary education to start a career in the fitness industry.  Diet and exercise has changed my life and I would love to spend my days helping other people discover the joy of a full and vital life!!

Stoopid Foot!

Actually it is not my foot that I am angry with but rather the intruding Plantar Fascitis that has reduced my otherwise dependable wheel to a pitiful, pulsing appendage of misery.

As I write this, I am again disappointed by a shortened Wednesday night run.  I am once again dealing with acute pain in my arch, heel and ankle.  I am reclining on the couch with my leg propped and a bag of frozen soybeans tied to my foot with an old ace bandage.  Pretty picture, eh?

Dinner?  Lima beans.  Plain, unadorned, unaccompanied lima beans.  Ok, so they were supposed to go on a beautiful salad but that requires standing for ten minutes.  That will not be happening!

Still, I am hoping that with my soybean-y diligence and this fancy tape I spent a ridiculous amount of money on this evening, I will have a functioning foot tomorrow.  That would make me happy.
:)