Sunday, June 9, 2013

I See Dead... Patterns?

After CapTex, I had a couple of days off before leaving for Kentucky.  Traditionally, I don't do well in KY.  For some reason, I always struggle here both mentally and physically. I am not precisely sure why.  Is the fact that there is so much unhappy history with the place?  Is it something environmental? Is it simply the placement in the calendar?  (The last few years have seen me doing the four weeks of shows in August rather than the two in June.)  Is it the fact that I have many old friends here and the desire to see them competes with training for my very limited free time? I don't know.  I have never successfully answered the question but coming off such a bad day at CapTex, Kentucky was the last place I wanted to go.

Even though I felt OK here, I can see that I was worn down from insomnia and a brutal work schedule.
I still like the picture though.

The first week actually went well.  I was still pretty tired at the beginning so I took Tuesday off from training.  After that, each day got better.  It has been very humid here so I am breathing really well and my training has felt better than it has in quite some time, possibly since Florida. It been amazing to reconnect with that feeling of intensity, hunger, focus that has been missing for a while.  It is surprising to find it on the same roads that I traditionally lose it.  Maybe it's possible that you can make peace with a place if enough time goes by.... we'll see.  The fat lady doesn't sing for another week but for today, I am enjoying myself now, and I had a few really fantastic workouts this week.

It does bring up the question that has been lurking in the back of my mind... Is there something about Texas, or more specifically Austin, that is damaging my health?  I have seen a pattern emerge with some of the places that I go that I don't like at all.  It's a perspective that most people would never get but I have seen over the last eight years or so, strong responses to different locations.  I can't even begin to pinpoint causes, only correlations, but it is clear that I am working with a different hand of cards during certain parts of the year.  I follow the same circuit so I am predictably in the same places during those times.  Do I get sick every time I go home because it follows the big summer shows where I wear myself down?  Or is there an environmental factor that is irritating my system?  Is it mental, a self-fulfilling prophecy?

All I know is that a couple of years ago, everything went to Hell in a hand basket and I would love to know why.  I realize I am about to turn 40 but nothing I have ever heard would indicate that life ends at 37.  On the upside, despite all of the mid-year fluctuations, my health has been slowly recovering over the course of the last couple of years.  The three steps forward/two and 5/8 steps back progression has certainly made it easy to lose sight of it but progress is progress.  It certainly fails to consult my timetable and expectations. But I am left wondering what causes all the fairly routine setbacks.  I know I am not the first person with a screwy job or the first to approach 40 or the first to travel (a lot).

I see... patterns?

Maybe it's none of these things.  Maybe its just rotten luck, but I see patterns.  I like patterns.  Identifying patterns helps you to make positive changes.  If I can pinpoint a cause, I can stop suffering from the effects.  But again, maybe I am just desperate for answers where non exist.  I went from feeling like I wasn't much but at least I was sturdy, to feeling spastic, fragile, high maintenance.  An answer to the question "WHY?" would be really nice.

I am grateful for my coach, Brian of Accelerate3,  who only has a here and now view of the situation.  He works with the hand I am holding now and keeps me focused, rather than sitting at the table pining for the hand I had then... you know back when gas was $1 a gallon and I was walking to school uphill, both ways, in the snow.

OK, enough introspection.  It's time to sweat.

1 comment:

  1. The only limits you have are the ones you set for yourself. Remove the restrictions and you can do that which is impossible... but don't do the impossible too often, because it'll cost you.