Stack Food, Herd Cats.

While I wish I could say that I had a miraculous turn of fortune in the last 24 hours, that is not the case.  Since I realize that I am probably looking at a reduced training volume for a little while, I am trying to find ways to keep my focus.  I have been throwing myself into other projects and making a quality diet a priority.

Lately, I have been into stacking my food.  The whole meal gets stacked into some kind of food Jenga.  I then have all kinds of fun figuring out how to get it into my body without letting half of it fall to the floor.  This picture is one from the other day.  The base is an organic brown rice cake with hummus "mortar", then avocado slices, followed by an egg over hard and topped with a big handful of sauteed salad greens.  OK, actually the greens just get tossed into the pan after the egg is done and are more wilted than sauteed.  It's yummy, I promise.  Stop laughing.

Eating one of these stacks is more complicated than the transition area of a popular sprint tri.  First, have you ever eaten an organic brown rice cake?  Unlike the conventional kind, the ones that do a great Styrofoam impersonation, these are much crunchier and fall apart at the mere mention of teeth.  The hummus is there to help hold it together.  It does not.  The avocado adds a slippery layer to the crumbling base and acts as a launchpad for the egg.  The egg never wanted to be involved in the first place and exits stage left.  The greens end up everywhere and the process of getting them to your mouth is slightly more difficult than herding cats.  Still, I love it and it keeps popping up as my go-to meal.  It's food and a logistical challenge all in one!

less complicated than breakfast

Tonight, I was invited to go out with some co-workers.  There would be food and drink that is not in my game plan.  I was tempted since the frustration of the last month has left me feeling a little like all the work is for nothing.  (Don't panic.  It's just the pain and frustration talking.  I know better.)  I was tempted but honestly realized that I didn't truly want that.  I wanted to heal and heal fast.  I wanted to be back out there soon.  I sauteed a bunch of veggies (a baby eggplant, some mini peppers, garlic, and a whole mess o' kale) that I picked up at a farmer's market and mixed it with a couple of eggs and a small amount of kidney beans.   Since I still wanted an indulgence, had some chia pudding spiked with a little honey.  Then I drank my one and only gluten free beer.  It's been hanging around in the fridge waiting for a night that I wasn't working or training the next day.  Yeah, it's been there since last winter.  I am pleased that the choices I made were not hard to make.  Good diet and exercise have become a lifestyle and I realize that I do not feel deprived.  If I want something, I have it.  Mostly I want things that pay dividends to my health.  That is good.

Forget Running... The Duck Can't Breathe!

Where am I with my training?  Good question.  After the crash last week, I have been dealing with a number of issues from confidence on the bike to some really serious breathing issues.  I am about to break down and see a doctor again for the breathing problems but it is difficult for me to determine where one issue ends and another begins.

Since the last time I crashed in June, I have been dealing with some orthopedic issues that are proving difficult to manage.  My shoulder has been a problem as has my IT band.  While they have improved since June, much of the progress has come about as a result of other problems.

During the month of August, I pushed through fatigue.  I pushed too hard and too long.  I ended up with a case of exhaustion that set me down for two full days.  I couldn't get out of bed.  I barely had enough energy to feed the dogs.  It went far beyond just a little tired and felt like something seriously amiss.  I don't know if that carried a fitness price beyond a few missed workouts but I have been a disaster ever since.  My endurance and strength evaporated and even my motivation has been sporadic.

In addition to that, I crashed again, as you know, last Tuesday.  In addition to losing a pound of flesh, I badly bruised/cracked my ribs.  (The official diagnosis was fractured but with all the old injuries to the area, they couldn't really tell on the x-rays.  They might just be bruised.)

At the crash, I had an episode that I refer to as hyperventilating, although I am not sure that is really accurate.  I couldn't breathe.  I couldn't take in air.  I felt like I was breathing through a straw and as a result a manic, rapid breathing pattern (picture hyperventilation or asthma attack) developed followed by major dizziness.  Since then, I have had one of these attacks nearly every day.  With each one, it takes less to trigger the next.  They are terrifying and completely shut me down, not to mention I am walking around slightly short of breath with a sharp ache in my chest all the time.  I am also seriously fatigued and my limbs feel like lead.  It's not really making for a great quality of life.

I can barely run.  Wednesday, I tried to run and had an attack on the Town Lake Trail after just seven minutes.  Tonight was a dramatic improvement due to being a little more tuned in to the early signs.  I can only go about 5 minutes holding ~11:00 pace before I have to stop and walk.  Worse, I am having trouble getting through a night of work.  I feel awful, exhausted all of the time.  

At this point, I am trying to get through this horse show and get home.  I have a few weeks off in October which will give me both rest time and a chance to see a doctor if necessary.  My background in horses means that I will self treat a lot of things (cuts, injuries, etc- don't judge.  That is just how horse people do things.) but not this.  I am completely baffled by this, not to mention more than a little concerned.  I am concerned for my health and concerned for my training.  I seem to be losing fitness at an alarming rate.  I am really concerned that if this drags on very long, I will be forced to start over from scratch.

Some of these things were do to crashes, some due to fatigue and overload.  When all the books and websites tell you to guard against overreaching...  When they tell you to rest your injuries... When they carry on about recovery... LISTEN.  The price of this mistake is WAY to high!!

This Duck is Nothing But A Big Chicken!

Wow, so today's long ride was an epic FAIL!  I picked out a 40 mile route with a 10 mile option and headed out to ride on a beautiful but windy afternoon.  I climbed aboard and took off.  I was probably 500 ft. from the car when the first big wind gust caught the bike (remember those BIG, aero shapes on the ultra-light carbon frame?) and it got a little squirrely.  Before long, every little twitch from the wind and every imperfection in the road surface was contributing to a mounting sense of panic.  After very few miles, I turned the bike around and gave up on the ride.

Sunday I did a group ride and I suspect that the group setting kept me from focusing on the fear.  I did have moments of panic, especially if I was close to the edge of the road and there was another rider to my left.  I simply rode on the left and stuck close to my friend TM who knew I was riding wounded.  The pace of the ride meant that I never really had a chance to get my head too far up my....

I sent all my riding buddies messages, checked the bike shop and meetup boards, and finally called a bike shop and admitted what was wrong.  I need to get on that bike.  I need to get out there.  I am too afraid to do it alone.

The first crash this summer meant that I got a lot more cautious about cornering and braking, not entirely a bad thing and not ultimately debilitating to performance.  This crash wasn't a mistake.  It was a big, nasty freak circumstance that flew out of a cow pasture and hit me in the face.  

I have always had total confidence on the bike.  I'd talk smack and back it up with a powerful performance.  I rode that bike like it was an extension of me.  Clipping in was like locking into a cockpit of a jet fighter.  When I ride I feel powerful, fast, free, AWESOME!!  Not timid, tense, scared, clutchy, panicky.

I have done the only things I know how to do.  I asked for help.  I called the people I know, admitted that I was scared, and asked for someone to ride with me.  I sent DW a message.  I am writing about it here.  Hopefully, I can find a riding buddy for tomorrow, then I can do the rest of the week on the trainer if I need to.  Next week, I should be able to find people to ride with me and I am hoping that at some point, I will relax and remember that I love this.

Texas The Beautiful!!

So I started back into training yesterday with a group ride and then a run today.  The group ride was lots of fun.  It is sponsored by the Steiner Ranch Steakhouse who opens their doors early to serve brunch to a bunch of sweaty cyclists in spandex.  Good people.  Good Ride.  Good food.  'Nuff said.

Wonder what usually comes in that glass... good times!!

I chose not to get too upset about the fact that I had to turn early and avoid the one big climb on the route because I had no wind due to my ribs or the fact that my confidence was thoroughly rattled.  I was shaky enough to be a little grabby with the bike every time I got close to any thing suspicious on the road.  I could really feel the psychological effects of crashing twice this summer.  Still, I got back on the horse and Seabiscuit was able to get out of the barn.

Today I had a 45 minute easy run down.  DW suggested I go find a trail and leave the pace tracking devices at home.  He wanted me to just go relax and feel it... feel my body and listen to the signals.

I honestly felt it.  I felt it piss and moan over very little effort.  I felt weak, winded, heavy, leaden... anything that falls in the "opposite of awesome" category.

FORTUNATELY, I had taken his advice.  I went to a nature preserve down the road from the campground called Reimer's Ranch.  It is very hard to obsess over a weak performance when the world around you looks like this.  I did my run but I also did about an hour of light free climbing, exploring, and picture taking.  I have covered a lot of places I go... today I want you to see what's at home.

THIS is Texas!

Hill Country

Not FLAT!!

Pedernales River

Pedernales River, you can swim in it if you can get yourself down there!

Climbed down Climber's Canyon to get to the river.

Yup, more canyon

Yet more canyon.

What passes for a trail here.

running here is pretty amazing!

The trees here have old souls.

Injury Update

Seabiscuit's injuries have been declared superficial and cosmetic by the good wrenches at Austin Bikes.  What a relief!!

I, however, am not so confident about my own status.  The road rash is doing what road rash does.  It's healing the messiest way possible. But, all things considered, it is not torturing me much as it goes about it.  My legs, neck, and back all feel pretty good.  The contusions on my hand are proving to be a non-issue.  My ribs... well, this is where the news gets less cheery.

Yesterday, because my pain levels have been completely manageable and with DW's blessing, I went for a run.  I started off okay.  My ribs hurt with every breath but not at an unmanageable level.  I left all the technology behind so that there would be no pressure to ignore the signals coming from my body.

About a mile in to the run, I had to go up a little hill.  I was not pushing it at all but it did increase my respiration slightly.  That was all it took.  In an instant, the pain levels returned to 30 seconds after the crash, all of the air was forced out of my lungs, and I hyperventilated right there on the trail.  When I had finally recovered my breathing, I started walking back to the car.  My pain at this point was about an 8/10 but I could breathe, sort of.  I had several more episodes where I started to hyperventilate but was able to recover and keep walking.

For the rest of the day and into this morning, my pain levels have suffered a significant set back.  My frustration levels have gone through the roof.  I came to terms in the car with the fact that I will not even attempt my last two races of the season.  The bottom line is that if I did that on the bike, I would crash and if I did it in the water, I would drown.

This is not something I can push through.  I am not sure exactly what is happening in my body but it feels like the intercostal muscles are seizing up and clamping down on my lungs.  I can't breathe through the pain.  I can't breathe at all.  It feels exactly like when the wind is knocked out of you and I wind up with a hyperactive pattern of fast, shallow breathing (what I have always known as hyperventilating).

It's the third and fourth ribs under the pec that are affected.

The ER doc said that it could take months for the ribs to heal.  At least my other injuries will get the R&R they need.  I am going to give it a few more days and hopefully I can revisit the issue.  I need to at least find out what I CAN do, even if it's just minimal.  I realized when I stepped on the scale this morning and another pound had crept on, bringing the total to three since the initial injuries and consequent disruption in training consistency, that I am going to have to start keeping a food journal and get fairly restrictive with my calories if I expect to get through this without a major weight gain.

To keep my mind on track, I have gotten involved with a local tri group.  Ok, in honesty, since I can't do anything incrementally, I took over organization of a  large local tri group.  This should keep my mind busy and my brain in the game until my body is willing.  This morning I am meeting with a few people that want to see this group develop into more than it currently is and discuss it's organization/direction.  I am looking forward to it and the potential  social and networking opportunities it could provide.  It is always nice to keep a side project that lets me be a part of the human race.  I just hope that I don't try to cluck to anyone, feed them carrots, or put them in crossties and play with their hair!!!

UFO's and High Speed Crashes.

Speed.  I like speed.  I like cornering at speed.  I like descending at high speeds.  I like climbing at whatever speed is possible.  I get on my bike with one thing in mind.  GO FAST.

Bugs.  Big bugs. REALLY, REALLY big, black, buzzing bugs.  Really big, black, buzzing bugs that hit you in the face....

At top speed.  On a corner.  With no shoulder and a drop off.

Bad.  Things.  Happen.

ow.

poor Seabiscuit!

The Devil is in the Details and My Shorts!

Today I learned a valuable lesson.  Open your possibilities and wonderful things can happen and quality of life matters.  I also learned to check where you sit down to change your flats.

Normally when I come to Austin, even though I have a place, I find it easier to stay in the camper.  At this point, it is my odd little home, the tiniest of duck ponds.  I have traditionally parked in an RV park very close to downtown but in an ugly, nasty neighborhood.  I don't think it was particularly unsafe, just depressing.  This time, I could not reach anyone there and had to book at a different park.  I settled on one that is to the west of the city on the edges of Hill Country.

I got lost coming in last night and parked the camper in the dark.  The campground seemed fine, normal, dark.  When I got up this morning and walked outside with the dogs, my jaw dropped.  The park is beautiful with trees everywhere, flower beds and granite retaining walls lining the drive ways, and astonishing views of Hill Country.  The vistas allowed me to see for miles.  A camera cannot even do it justice.

I drove into town and got where I needed to go in a very respectable 25 minutes (as opposed to 15 at the other park).  The road in feeds into the side of the city that I utilize most.  The drive was beautiful, astonishing, breathtaking.  Every bend offered scenic views of this unique, rugged landscape.

The feel of the park is wonderful, friendly, healthy, and the owners like to swimbikerun.  Nearby there is a vast reserve of multi use, hike/running, mountain bike, and equestrian trails with access to open water swimming.  Also I am right in the middle of the best cycling area central Texas has to offer.  I guess I didn't realize until now how unhappy I had become with my surroundings.  Austin I love... but that RV park?  Not so much.  In a single morning, I switched my whole list of priorities and will be calling this new RV park home from now on.

 I did my swim (a great consistent effort- the kind I have struggled to produce with this shoulder) and then drove some suggested routes to find a good three hour long ride.  There is an amazing 50 mile loop that starts two miles from my door.  I decided to do that, packed up the bike and drove to the starting point.  I would have ridden out but it was getting close to rush hour and the two mile stretch gets a little dangerous.

As I aired up my tires, I realized I had a flat.  I took the wheel off, sat down and set about changing said flat.  Lots of experience with this; nothing to worry about.  As I tried to put the new tube on, I realized that the valve was much shorter than the one I had taken off.  (Ow!  scratch) Sure enough, it was too short for the rim depth on my training wheel.  (Ow dammit, scratch, scratch) Now I had a half changed flat and no tube. I knew that the tubes back at the camper were all the same.  I resolved to go home, do my tomorrow interval work on the trainer with my race wheel on the front.  (OW OW OW!!  Scratch butt furiously in a public location.)

OOOH, the Devil is in the details.. and my shorts!

OOWOWOWOWOW!!!  ANTS!!!!!  I have ants in my tri shorts... LITERALLY!  The mean, red Texas style ants that raise a cattle brand welt on your backside!  ARRRGHHHH!!!!!

I had plopped my happy, flat changing ass down in an big ol' mess o' Texas fireants!

Now my ant- bitten ass is smarting and I am looking forward (ahem) to spending the next couple of hours in the saddle.

As a follow up to my last post which was written about a week before I was able to publish it, I have been feeling much better.  My energy returned slowly but fully.  By the weekend, I realized that I felt better than I had in months. DW said that the energy that I had now was what I should have had all along.  Accepting a fatigued state as normal was actually undermining my training and my life.  It all caught up to me but now that I have bounced back, I am truly on my toes.  He is letting me race this weekend and I am looking forward to my first Olympic distance of the year.  My endurance is a bit damaged but overall, my base should be good enough to go and get familiar with the longer distance.  I may not race it, but it should provide a nice bump in fitness and set me  up for the next and final race of the season.