Sunday I did a group ride and I suspect that the group setting kept me from focusing on the fear. I did have moments of panic, especially if I was close to the edge of the road and there was another rider to my left. I simply rode on the left and stuck close to my friend TM who knew I was riding wounded. The pace of the ride meant that I never really had a chance to get my head too far up my....
I sent all my riding buddies messages, checked the bike shop and meetup boards, and finally called a bike shop and admitted what was wrong. I need to get on that bike. I need to get out there. I am too afraid to do it alone.
The first crash this summer meant that I got a lot more cautious about cornering and braking, not entirely a bad thing and not ultimately debilitating to performance. This crash wasn't a mistake. It was a big, nasty freak circumstance that flew out of a cow pasture and hit me in the face.
I have always had total confidence on the bike. I'd talk smack and back it up with a powerful performance. I rode that bike like it was an extension of me. Clipping in was like locking into a cockpit of a jet fighter. When I ride I feel powerful, fast, free, AWESOME!! Not timid, tense, scared, clutchy, panicky.
I have done the only things I know how to do. I asked for help. I called the people I know, admitted that I was scared, and asked for someone to ride with me. I sent DW a message. I am writing about it here. Hopefully, I can find a riding buddy for tomorrow, then I can do the rest of the week on the trainer if I need to. Next week, I should be able to find people to ride with me and I am hoping that at some point, I will relax and remember that I love this.