Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Post You Should Have Read Last Week.

Written on 4/18/2012:

I don't currently have a working internet connection so I am working in a word processing program and this post may be slightly out of date by the time you read it.  Still, I am finding that the act of writing these posts is so cathartic that I have become fairly dependent on blogging for sanity (sounds like a charity event)!  Acquiring a portable hot spot (and for that matter a new iPhone) is on the to-do list.

As I posted last week, I headed back to Austin.  It was so good to be back in my home city.  It is the most fantastic place I think I have been.  Of all he aspects of my crazy life that I appreciate the most, it has been the freedom to live wherever I want.  I am truly blessed to be able to really follow my heart.

I am also really grateful for certain things in my life that are really working on my behalf right now.  This year and last, with this week being no exception, has been a true trial.  I have felt like I was on the ocean in a storm for much of it.  Stability and predictability have become distant memories.  Instead I have been forced to learn to navigate without any help, to be my own support network, to find things like stability and comfort within.  Through everything, training has been something of a life raft and my training (Thank you DW!) has become True North.

When I got home this past week, I found that the duplex had several water leaks inside the walls.  While I was gone, black mold has taken over large areas of wall behind the washer and dryer, and in the spare bedroom.  Quite a few of my belongings were destroyed and now there is a legal battle looming on the horizon with the landlord.  I am not going to go into details but I think I am coming from a pretty solid position legally, however the idea of going to court just makes me tired.  The worst part was the fact that much of what was destroyed held great sentimental value.  All of my remaining horse equipment (helmet, chaps, boots, etc.. the things I have to have to swing a leg over a horse.), family photos albums, all my childhood photos including the only photos left of me and my father, my entire art portfolio which chronicled my development as an artist and a person throughout my life, rare books I had collected throughout my life… all gone.  Essentially, all my ties to my past, my previous interests and the roads I no longer walk, were destroyed.

I moved out of the duplex and fully into the camper.  When it was done, I allowed myself to feel it.  I was surprised to find myself crying… a grief that felt like it had come from someplace much deeper than the loss of some paper.  It seemed appropriate and for a change, I didn't fight it.  I guess I was saying goodbye.  My life has been boiled down to a 200 sq ft living space and a 10x10 storage unit.  Still, as I trundled down the road yesterday on my way to the next horse show, Airstream bouncing along behind me, I couldn't help feeling kind of free.  I have my pups, my bike, my running shoes, and a place to crash at the end of the day.  I have everything I NEED.  I have only memories of the past and whatever I chose to make of my future.

There was an article in a trucker magazine at a truck stop on the way to Tulsa titled "Triathlete Trucker".  This man, Siphiwe Baleka, has integrated triathlon training and life as a trucker, taking advantage of the unique opportunities, and negotiating the considerable challenges the lifestyle presents.  I am not a trucker but I could really relate to his struggle.  I was also really inspired by his ability to adapt on the move to his surroundings, working out in picnic areas, truck stops, or on a cardboard mat beside his truck.  He took it to another level, developing a workout DVD for truckers, a database of YMCA pools and selling protein bars.  It was great to be reminded that it can be done, the excuses are just that… excuses.  Life really is what you make of it.

I had a really good run tonight.  As usual, DW was right.  LOSE the data.  I have relaxed, started enjoying the runs and have been working on using my body in a relaxed, but athletic way.  When I do this, then pick up my cadence, I can actually get somewhere in a hurry!  I am just not fit enough or strong enough to sustain it…YET.

On another data related note, I did get on my scale when I got home and discovered that I had managed a perfectly respectable weight loss for the winter months. I then packed the scale up and left it in storage.  Regardless of what it says, I am happier when I focus on making good choices a lifestyle, especially since I am finally starting to relax and really enjoy those changes.  Overall, I feel like all of these little things are baby steps towards a healthier, happier, more whole and balanced life.


  1. OMG!! Sip is one of my Endurance Films Racing Teammates!! Check out this blog post of our fall meet-up:

    Sip just finished IM South Africa, sub 12 hours, his first IM ever. He's only been a triathlete for a year. The guy is amazing, humble, and smart! I'll point him to your blog!

    Sorry about the mold problem, that SUCKS!!!

    1. OH COOL!! I was really inspired by what he's done with the limitations his work presents. I loved the fact that he focuses instead on the opportunities. There is a lesson there for me. My work puts some serious pressure on my training but there are opportunities embedded in the situation as well. No excuses, no excuses! Right now, Sip (is that what he goes by?) is one of my heros!

  2. Duckie,
    I hate that you have lost some of those items that hold such fond memories for you. But I can also add that I had a sense that this is as it should be, maybe? It may be that this is a turning point for you. There is nothing to hold you back, hold you down, hold you captive. You are free. And nothing, not even mold, can take away the memories that you hold in your heart. Again, I do not make light of anything that you have lost, only an observation that maybe this is really an invitation to a wonderful and unpredictable future!

    1. K,

      I agree completely. There was a good cleansing cry involved with all of this but now I am moving on. I love the idea that the future is wonderful and unpredictable, interchangeably and intertwined. It is wonderful BECAUSE it is unpredictable. This can be a hard idea for an old fashioned control freak like me, but there it is.. in print. It must be true! :)

      Thanks for the kind words.