The Post I Never Thought I Would Write

"I got the idea of training for a triathlon in a manner not dissimilar to how one catches a virus.  It happens along, jumps on boards and then just lingers.  I am not a runner.  I KNOW I am not a runner.  I run like a duck.  I am shaped like a Lima bean.  These things might make for a nice dinner but they are not traditional athletic virtues.  Still, as unwelcome as influenza, the idea seeded itself in my brain, admittedly after watching the Kona on TV, and here we are. "

This quote was from the first blog on this site.  How much has changed...

I haven't been on the scale in a while.  I got on the scale today.  The number knocked me to the floor.  Why is it significant?  I have plummeted past the cut off for an Athena.  I am now in the mid-140s.  I have not been this light since I was in the eighth grade.  Literally, the EIGHTH GRADE!!!

I remember after moving to NJ in November of that year, I moved away from my swim team.  I tried for a while to swim on my own, but never really liked the indoor pools.  I didn't have a team and quickly ended up with an injury.  It was probably minor but I walked away and did not return until I was an adult.  By the end of that summer and going into my freshman year in high school, I had put on close to thirty pounds.  I have struggled ever since.

Ok, lets talk numbers.  I tend to refrain from that because I believe it is the road we walk that is important, not the number on the mile marker sign but to gather some perspective.  I have gained and lost weight one other significant time in my life.

When I was study and training in Shaolin-Do, I lost weight but plateaued at 165.  That was an immutable wall that I never got beyond.  Still, since I had come down from 235, this was a significant achievement.  After some major injuries took me out of the game, I gained nearly all of it back.  By the time I found my way into a gym four years ago, I was within 10 lbs of the lifetime high.

I did strength and cardio to bring myself back down to 190 and that is when I bought a bike.  So began the madness of triathlon.  I was able to get down to that 165 plateau rather easily but then stalled and began to gain.  By the time I started with DW I had worked my way back up to 175.

DW's second command as coach was to stay off the scale.  He shifted the focus to fitness, consistency, and sleep/recovery.  I didn't get on the scale again for months.  I went crashing through the plateau that I had come to believe was the true bottom.  I had accepted that I would always race with a weight handicap.  Now I know that is not true.  I can see my body is willing to go the final miles.  I have more weight to lose, possibly as much as 20 more lbs, but I see that I can do it if I do the right things.

From my lifetime high and not considering all of the fluctuations along the way, I have lost a total of 89 lbs.  If I lose another 20-25, that would bring that total to well over 100 lbs.  What startles me most about this revelation is that I never considered myself 110-115 lbs overweight.  I thought I was maybe 50 lbs overweight.  I thought that my body was simple made to be a little fat.  Certainly, there are many parts of my life that need all kinds of work (really, who's perfect?) but this has come from learning to care for myself, to direct some love and kindness inward.  That, more than exercise, more than diet, has provided the key to peeling back some very deep layers to reveal the person I always wished I could be.

I even believe that the Duck is learning to run.

I am feeling pretty good today!

Crashing Through Barriers!!!

This week has been interesting.  I am still sleeping like Rip VanWinkle and training like a fiend.  Work has been light, and oddly, my social calendar got dusted off as I enjoyed some time with other human beings!!  I had been feeling a bit like I needed to sharpen up my game since I had several nights over the last few weeks where I went out to dinner or (gasp!) had a gluten-free beer or a glass of wine.  I was a little concerned about the impact of the relaxed diet on my weight so I jumped on the scale the other day.

Wow.

There has been a plateau that has been an immutable barrier most of my life.  I have gone crashing through it, flying past that dreaded number by not one or two, but eight pounds.  No wonder I have been feeling a little weak and lightheaded during hard training sessions (there are other factors too but I do have a pattern of this when I drop weight until my body adjusts).

This is significant.  Beyond all of the obvious ways it is significant.  That plateau, that number, had been a part of my life for most of my adult life.  I passed it on the way up during puberty and it represented the best I could do through all of my efforts at athletics throughout my teen and adult years.   I truly believed that whatever athlete I was going to become, I was going to do it from behind that line.  I believed I could perform well in spite of this but never thought I could be free to perform without it.

Now I know that I can achieve my dreams.  I can become the athlete I truly want to be... not a good or even great athlete handicapped by 25 immovable pounds... recognizing my full capacity.  I don't even have a definition for what I think that capacity might be.  I have truly never considered it a realistic possibility.

I thought I believed in myself, my journey before.  Now I realize that it was limited, with a caveat, strings attached belief.

No longer.

Now I know it will happen.  Fully, truly, and without reserve.