This week has been interesting. I am still sleeping like Rip VanWinkle and training like a fiend. Work has been light, and oddly, my social calendar got dusted off as I enjoyed some time with other human beings!! I had been feeling a bit like I needed to sharpen up my game since I had several nights over the last few weeks where I went out to dinner or (gasp!) had a gluten-free beer or a glass of wine. I was a little concerned about the impact of the relaxed diet on my weight so I jumped on the scale the other day.
There has been a plateau that has been an immutable barrier most of my life. I have gone crashing through it, flying past that dreaded number by not one or two, but eight pounds. No wonder I have been feeling a little weak and lightheaded during hard training sessions (there are other factors too but I do have a pattern of this when I drop weight until my body adjusts).
This is significant. Beyond all of the obvious ways it is significant. That plateau, that number, had been a part of my life for most of my adult life. I passed it on the way up during puberty and it represented the best I could do through all of my efforts at athletics throughout my teen and adult years. I truly believed that whatever athlete I was going to become, I was going to do it from behind that line. I believed I could perform well in spite of this but never thought I could be free to perform without it.
Now I know that I can achieve my dreams. I can become the athlete I truly want to be... not a good or even great athlete handicapped by 25 immovable pounds... recognizing my full capacity. I don't even have a definition for what I think that capacity might be. I have truly never considered it a realistic possibility.
I thought I believed in myself, my journey before. Now I realize that it was limited, with a caveat, strings attached belief.
Now I know it will happen. Fully, truly, and without reserve.