Tuesday, January 22, 2013


I used to have a 1973 Volkswagen Super Beetle named Roger.  It was painted two-tone primer and one day when I tried to get something out of the back seat, I ripped the seat free from the floorboards.  You could see the road beneath your feet and that also served as extra ventilation.  The carburetor was bad so it took careful clutch work with a running start to get it going and idle was not in it's vocabulary.  I named it Roger after Waters of Pink Floyd because it was incredibly cool but kind of falling apart.
Not quite, but close.  Roger was primer red and primer grey though similar in road worthiness.

I know I keep babbling on about how different I feel these days.  I don't feel hyper or nervous or jittery or high.  I feel NORMAL.  I feel FINE.  I know that may not seem like much, but to me it's everything.

If you are struggling with a similar condition, seriously, "bug" your doc.  It's totally worth it!!  My whole life my energy levels have been sub-optimal.  I haven't recovered well.  It wasn't that I couldn't do things, even things of great difficulty, but that the minute I wasn't fiercely focused on being in motion, I would stop.  It was like my body was my old VW Bug with the bad carburetor.  It took creative efforts to get it going and the minute you took your foot off the pedal, it stalled.   That was how I lived my life.  Push as hard as you can to get as much done as possible, then succumb to the inevitable crash and burn.  Recover.  Repeat.

Why didn't I just moderate my efforts?   Because this was the only way to be in motion at all.  It wasn't like I was achieving Herculean results or trying to make it to the moon.  I was trying to live like a normal person but that was nearly impossible.  The older I got, the worse the fatigue, the greater the effort and the longer the recovery.
This is about how most days feel with a fatigue producing condition.

Now I have a whole host of ineffective life habits that need to be addressed but at least I am able to maintain normal momentum.  I am no longer fighting drag, like a rubbing brake on a spinning wheel.  It really does feel good.  Now I have to learn to be a more effective human being but then, who doesn't.

These days I may be road worthy, but I refuse to be NORMAL! I wonder if Seabiscuit would look good in this paint?
Oh, and Roger?  I traded him for $50 and a bicycle!

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