Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Stick A Fork In My Eye Kind Of Day

Today was one of those ill-fated, stick a fork in your eye kind of days when it seems like the world conspires to interfere with your plans.  In reality, it was just another day.  I am on an accountability kick right now.  I believe that life is nothing but a big vault of excuses.  Whatever type of excuse you need, life's got it at the ready.  The only way to progress is to refuse to accept those excuses and find a way.  Sometimes this takes a little patience or a lot of creativity.  It also involves a learning process.  Learning to identify how you could have taken control of the elements that you might have otherwise classified as out of your control.  And finally, it involves learning when to let it go.

I woke up this morning tired.  My body felt like wood and no matter how much coffee I drank, it wasn't helping.  I had determined that for my day to work out, I needed to kick off certain events by a certain time, counting backwards to the buzz of the alarm.  (It's ironic that I have to set an alarm on my days off but not on work days.)  The first mishap was simply the fatigue.  No matter what I did, I couldn't shake the sluggishness.  That dulled the edge and made being on the ball difficult for the rest of the day.

First there was the run, which included some speed work and I was really hoping to hit some time goals during the pickups.  There was nothing specified from DD, just "Fast" and "EZ".  That meant (in my mind) that I was free to find out what my legs had in them.  The pickups were descending in length, as were the rest periods, but based on some speed work on Friday, I thought I could find some real speed in the final shorter sprints.  Waking up feeling like a slug was a little depressing, especially since once the workout started, I knew I wasn't going to be showing my best today but I threw some heart into it and it felt worse than the data looked.
This is SOOO how I felt today!

When I went to start, I realized that my Garmin had done it's occasional trick of discharging it's battery while on the charger.  I was time to start according to my plan but this wasn't happening without the Garmin.  I didn't panic... too tired... just stuck it on the charger and curled up for a 20 minute nap.

Once that was done, the time I lost I could make up by skipping lunch and sucking down a shake. I had 15 mins to load the bike and get down to the computrainer studio in Boca where I had made an appointment to get my lopsided aerobar fixed and ride on the trainer so that I could do "hills".  The ride wasn't supposed to be intense but I felt like I could use a little practice on terrain that wasn't pancake flat, even if I took it easier.

I got turned around on the way, ended up a few exits past where I needed to be, blowing through a toll booth by accident, and was running about 7 min behind.  When I got there, I found the place closed.  It was then that I received the message that the mechanic/shop owner was not able to make it until at least 3:30.  At this point, it was 2:30, I had been up since 8 and had yet to consume any solid food.  I went and found some lunch (not much- pickin's are slim with food allergies), then curled up on the front seat of my car and took another nap.  It was after 4:00 by the time I got on the trainer and since there was a class, I was booted off by 5:00.  Had I known, I would have gotten the bike fixed and ridden my full workout (75:00) on my trainer at home.

He then tore the front end of the bike down only to find out that the parts wouldn't work.  I then headed home only to catch rush hour traffic.  As I drove home, I got more and more upset.  My body was shutting down and I knew getting on the trainer and trying to salvage that shortened workout was not happening.  In fact, neither was laundry.  It had come down to all further activities were cutting into the few hours of sleep available to me before work tonight.

I started to get angry.

I showed up.  I did my job.  I was butt tired and yet I did my run.  I gave it my best.  I got myself an hour south to Boca.  I got on that trainer and tried to ride honest and smart.  I fully intended to put in the time and effort.  I had put my shoulder to the yoke, even though I felt awful, and given an honest effort.

Then I asked myself what I could have done differently.  I could have had my full riding gear in the car, then having to wait would not have delayed my workout.  I could have made sure that the part would work before we started.

Most of all, I could have valued my time and agenda more.  Had I made it crystal clear that I needed to be on that bike for 75 min, had I said "No, I cannot wait that long" and headed home earlier, I would not have been grabbing Zzz's in my car, or have gotten home lightheaded from needing food after spending 6 hours with a saddle sore gaining tsunami strength in slowly drying workout clothes getting nothing done.  This is all on me.

I got home and I cooked myself a nice meal.  I needed to care for myself a little.  That was a good choice.  I got into comfortable clothes and I thought about the events of the day.  It was not a bad attempt at planning, just not perfect.  The best way to salvage the day is to get some sleep, learn from this, and confess to DD about the shortened workout when the tidal wave of guilt subsides a bit.

Who knows.. maybe I'll be on that trainer at midnight finishing up before I have to go braid.  For the moment, I have given myself permission to let it go but that doesn't always mean I do.

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