Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Accountability, Responsibility.

After a miserable night and a (ahem) turbulent morning, I think I am mostly over the results of yesterdays little wheat germy mishap.  I keep wanting to be pissed at the manufacturer for not having the allergen info in bold on the label (ie. NOT YOUR NORMAL ALMOND BUTTER!!!! BEWARE!!!)... Oh wait, they did.  I simply failed to read it before I ate (or should I say OVERATE) it.

Accountability.  It is at the heart of the issue for me.  I screwed up and I want someone to blame.  I don't want to be at fault.  It is far easier to accept that I have been victimized by the evil corporations in charge of ingredients and labeling (not that they aren't villains most of the time, but that is another topic), than that I was so sloppy and neglectful of my own health and well being.

Accountability.  It's why I have a coach.  It's why I keep a blog.  It's why I try to surround myself with people who pursue wellness and athletic goals.  There is so much in life that I have no control over that I scarcely need to voluntarily give up the control I do have.  I made a choice to eat something without reading the label.  Of course, I also chose to buy it without reading the label.  And I chose to eat something that someone else prepared instead of making sure I had enough safe, healthy food available at all times.  I chose not to prepare for the post-workout meal.  I left the house without any safe nutrition in my bag (or water, I might add) so when I left the pool I was ravenous, light headed and desperate for something, anything.

All of that set the stage for the scene that unfolded later.  I got home from the grocery store and ripped into the almond butter (about the only comfort food left to me) and gluten free bread (which I never buy unless I am having control issues) and set about eating too much of something that made me ill.

DW has stressed to me that I need to always have water on me, always be hydrating, and that I need to make sure I have safe nutrition at appropriate intervals, regardless of how much forethought and planning it might require.  Simple concept, but like a threshold workout, not always easy.

But then who promised that changing the body and the habits I have had since childhood would be easy.  It is not.  It's not supposed to be easy.  If it was, there would be no obesity, no heart disease, and people would all decorate their perfect bodies with all the medals from their Olympic achievements.  But the difficulty of the task does not absolve me of the responsibility I have to my health.

I TRI for fun, to provide an outlet for my competitive nature, and to feel good.  Training also involves doing something.  For me, doing is easy.  It is a positive quantity, something I can understand.  Often times, however, good nutrition is as much about what you don't do as what you do.  The negative quantity that is not about exerting force but restraining action.  This is SOOOOO much harder for me to manage and from the looks of national statistics, I am not alone in this canoe.

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